Passive-Aggressive Helping Hand |
Sometimes in the beginning of a relationship there are certain things we should pay attention to, but do not.... They are the "red flags"...These are the things that usually end up causing major problems down the line. Often, they are the reason the relationship fails.. How do you recognize a "red flag?" It will be a thought or concern that jumps out at you that you quickly rationalize, excuse, or justify. .. They are surfacing for a reason, pay attention when they do....The following red flags later became major issues, ultimately ending the relationship.... |
RED FLAG Showed no anger Committed Adultry indirectly blamed ex-wife for everything Appeared to have had a lot of misfotune, but would not "talk about it." lst trip together, asked another couple to go along without informing me, or asking me. Showed more sensitivity and concern for others than for me Wouldn't talk about prior relationships/his past or communicate about our relationship. Relative told me that I was good for him Another relative said he was cold and unfeeling Asked me to sell my home, and move into one that he co-owned with a relative, which he planned on "giving" to that relative at a later date |
JUSTIFICATION Did not see it as a problem Everyone makes mistakes Thought how horrible she must have been, that she didn't understand him Felt very sorry for him, felt that he needed someone to love and treat him well. Shy Thought eventually I would 'earn" his respect, concern, etc.. Shy, introverted Boost to my ego Again, thought he was Misunderstood was treating me well I was very angry when this happened. |
REALITY Should have, everyone gets angry, surfaced later; indirectly, covertly.... Never admitted to making a mistake... When asked why they broke up, said, "she bitched too much." Didn't make himself understood, later it was implied that all problems were my fault as well A martyr.... carries around old wounds like a badge of honor... Intimacy problems, not to mention no regard for my preferences No one should have to "earn" respect for their feelings Hiding something? Emotionally shut down... Communication is a must in any relationship... Should have questioned why he needed someone to "be good for him" He was cold and unfeeling once we married... should have questioned why a relative would say that.... This should have stopped me in my tracks... and sent me running... realizing that I would always be last on the list...... |
contributed: 1/01 KRN |
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© Copyright 2003 Kim Neske |
