In the February issue of "O" Magazine Oprah interviewed Dr. Phil McGraw and his wife, Robin... It was an excellent article about relationships and I felt that certain excerpts were worth repeating!!!
Robin told Oprah that she grew up in a house where women were honored, loved and respected..... So in her relationship with her husband, Phil, she said that she would "expect no less."
Oprah and Dr. Phil were discussing marriage, divorce and disrespecting one another, and Dr. Phil had this to say:
"It is not about how much money we're spending or even the sex - it is about one person trying to hurt the other. And when you send that message to people, they get it. They think, 'The person I share my home with, the person I take down my guard with - he or she is capable of wanting to hurt me. That is hard to get over.'"
Dr. Phil defines a healthly relationship as: "A relationship in which two healthy people come together because they complement each other. They're on equal footing, respecting themselves and each other. What most people don't get is that you can't give anway what you don't have. If you don't regard yourself with respect and love, you can't give those things to someone else. When I see people who can't love and care and feel and share in a relationship, I can guarantee you that they are disconnected from themselves."
He gives an example of emotional need: "The need for acceptance is number one. We want to feel valued, desired, and welcomed. We want to feel people seek us out not because we had to earn their attention, but just because of who we are."
About keeping your own identity, losing yourself, and toxic relationships: "One of the things you should ask yourself in any partnership is, 'What is it costing me?' If you have to give up what you think, feel, want, need and dream to be with a person, the relationship is toxic. On the other hand, if it is costing you some effort, energy, and sacrifice, but the paybacks are exponentially greater than the drawbacks, then it may be a healthy relationship for you."