Passive-Aggressive Helping Hand
What is a Healthy Relationship??  So many of us ask ourselves that question... So Often we are told that what we want and need is "too much."   Below is an excerpt from "PERFECT DAUGHTERS" by Robert J. Ackerman, Ph.D.
*  You feel you are respected as a           person.

*  Your physical and emotional needs are     met.

*  You like the other person and you feel    liked by them.

*  You are appreciated and not taken for     granted.

*  You are not afraid to be yourself.

*  You can communicate effectively with      your partner.

*  You can affirm and support one            another.

*  Trust, trust, trust is everywhere.

*  There is a sense of humor and play.

*  Responsibilities are shared.

*  Your privacy is respected.

*  You are not constantly fighting for       control.

*  You or your partner admit and seek        help for your problems.

*  You want to spend time together.

*  Love is a verb, not a noun.

*  You are growing and the relationship      is growing.

*  You feel good about yourself.




1.  What is a Healthy        Relationship?
2.  Are you in a                Controlling                  Relationship?
3.  Your Personal Bill        of Rights
Are you in a controlling relationship?  also  from "Perfect Daughters"...

1.  When there's a problem in the relationship, he blames you.

2.  He sometimes drinks too much and becomes physically or verbally abusive.

3.  You know or suspect that he has been involved with other women.

4.  He is late or stands you up for appointments or dates.

5.  He forbids or criticizes your outside activities or hobbies.

6.  He embarrasses you in front of other people.

7.  He gets angry when you disagree with him.

8.  He accuses you of flirting with other men when you are not.

9.  He follows you to check on you.

10. He is critical of the way you look or dress.

11.  He insists on driving the car when you go out.

12. He has hit you.

13. He does or says things you never thought you would tolerate.

14. He stops talking to you or withdraws his affection when he wants to win an argument or make a point.

15. He says he needs his "freedom" or "space."

16. He has pushed you or twisted your arm or used some other physical act to make you bend to his will.

17. He doesn't allow you to have a checking account and gives you an allowance to pay the bills.

18. He uses sex to quiet your relationship doubts.

19. He is not interested in your day.

20. He gives you extra money or buys you presents when you have been "good."

21. He calls you a nag or accuses you of stirring up trouble if you want to talk about the problems in the relationship.

22. He never calls you by your real name - he uses a demeaning or derogatory nickname.

23. He doesn't phone when he is going to be late.

24. He wants you around when he is there.

25. He has been arrested at least once.

26. He feels uncomfortable or gets angry with you when you get attention (because of some asepct of your work or special accomplishment).

27. He puts down your accomplishments.

28. He trivializes or makes fun of your feelings.

29. He often says you're too critical.

30. He flirts with other women in front of you.

31. He makes you feel sorry for him.

32. He frightens you with threats.

33. He finds fault with your friends and the people you are close to.

According to Karen Blaker if you answered yes to 20 or more you are in a relationship with a VERY controlling male;  yes to 12 or more - quite controlling; five or more somewhat controlling..
YOUR PERSONAL BILL of RIGHTS   from  "Men Who Hate Women & The Women Who Love Them" by Dr. Susan Forward & Joan Torres:

1.  You have the right to be treated with      respect.

2.  You have the right not to take             responsibility for anyone else's           problems or bad behavior.

3.  You have the right to get angry.

4.  You have the right to say NO.

5.  You have the right to make mistakes.

6.  You have the right to have your own        feelings, opinions and convictions.

7.  You have the right to change your mind     or to decide on a different course of      action.

8.  You have the right to negotiate for        change.

9.  You have the right to ask for              emotional support or help.

10. You have the right to protest unfair       treatment or criticism.

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