PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE HELPING HAND.

WHEN WE FIRST BROKE UP:

I did not think I would be able to make it as a single parent (emotionally or physically)..... I did not think I would be able to make it financially (I literally became weak the first time I went into a grocery store because I did not think I would have enough money..... I was experiencing panic attacks.... I did not want to start all over again at the age of 40... My self-worth was about as low as it could get...... I did not think I could manage my  full-time job, house and  take care of a child...... I would come home and cry on the weekends that he had my daughter..... because he had her, and because I felt lost.... I felt "branded" and deficient because of my "single mom" status.... I had very little interest in ANYTHING.... I did not know what to do with myself.... I was full of anger and bitterness.... I forgot who I use to be.... I VERY MISTAKENLY thought that he held the key to my happiness.... I was worried about being alone on the holidays....

SINCE I HAD THE COURAGE TO STAND ALONE...THE FOLLOWING HAS OCCURRED:

I am a better mother  (I AM doing it physically & emotionally)  I no longer have  the stress or resentment of  being in a bad relationship ....... I bought a new car... I received a promotion.... I started back to church.... I hold my head up high as a single parent... I have made new friends and got back in touch with some old ones... I started a website that helps others (and have become computer saavy --a little)..... I handle being alone on holidays or join friends.... I vacation with friends or my daughter and I go alone... I have so many interests now there isn't enough time in the day for all of them.... I enjoy my time alone pursuing my own interests or joining friends... I have made home improvements myself or hired others... I am happy & at peace (with myself, with my life).... I find joy in simple things (nature, hearing my daughter laugh)... I appreciate ALL that God has given me... I do not spend a lot of time worrying about the future, I try to stay in the present.....It all works out... I have taken the time to look within & find out what is important to me.... My home is a happy, warm, secure place to be.... I know (not think) that I am worth a wonderful relationship with a person who treats me with love and respect and DOESN'T play games...I know that if I do not have this, that I am fine by myself, not just fine..GREAT.... I am stronger, more self-assured and confident  than I have ever been in my life.  I now know that I can handle just about anything with God's help..... I have great hope and look forward to each day and the future..... LAST BUT NOT LEAST:  I found the courage to pick up a dead squirrel with a shovel and put it in a trashbag!!!  NOW THAT IS COURAGE!!!!!

NOT the end....

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© Copyright 2003 Kim Neske